The Stop-Start-Continue Model with Senia Maymin
Think about something that you want to create or something that you want to change. It could be forming a new habit. It could be stopping a certain behavior. It just needs to be something that will move you in the direction you want to go.
You know you where you want to go, but perhaps you haven’t quite figured out the steps to get you there.
I suggest that you use the Stop-Start-Continue model to move in the direction you want to go. I’ll start with the regular set of questions, and then I’ll give you the ninja version that I tend to use.
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Stop-Start-Continue Steps
Keeping in mind the change that you want to make, ask yourself the following questions:
- What is one thing I need to stop doing?
- What is one thing I need to start doing?
- What is one thing I need to continue doing?
You can think of this being like a traffic signal with Red (stop), Green (start), and Yellow (continue) signals.
The Problem
Let’s say I’m coaching Joe (the name I always use for hypothetical clients). One day, Joe says to me, “Hey, Senia, you know my situation. Sometimes I react in ways that I don’t want to react. If I’m under pressure, I might lash out when someone speaks to me. What can I do about that?”
Joe might go so far as to say, “I have anger management issues.” Maybe it’s not that extreme, but he does know he isn’t proud of the times he lashed out.
Continue
I’d start by asking him, “Think of a time when somebody said something that made you really angry but you didn’t lash out” Thus, I would have him think about times when he had already reacted the way he wants to react.
What happened? That leads us to a clearer view of the way he wants to react. Maybe he responded in a kind way. Maybe he listened with curiosity. Maybe he noticed his anger but elicited more information to figure out whether it was appropriate.
Joe might say, “Oh, I was being thoughtful, keeping an open mind about the specific change the person proposed at the meeting.” Joe might then decide that he wants to respond in a thoughtful way, listening with curiosity. Given that Joe had already had that experience, we consider this action to be his continued behavior.
So, Joe decides, “Okay, in the past, here are the times when I’ve responded really well. The people in the meeting felt that I was curious and open to hearing more. They weren’t scared of me.” So, he decides he wants to continue responding that way.
Start
To help him figure out an action to start, I might ask, “What have you seen other people do really well when it comes to reacting to news that they don’t want to hear? What makes them seem responsive and listening?” That might lead to something that Joe wants to start practicing.
- One told him, “I give myself a literal count of two or three seconds before I speak. That is enough to make me slow down.”
- Another stays on mute during zoom calls. The time to unmute is just enough to reconsider whether to speak up.
- Another takes a noticeable deep breath before speaking in a tense moment.
- Another always asks a question as his first response in a tense moment.
From these observations, Joe picks one or two behaviors to practice going forward.
Stop
Then I ask Joe, “What’s one thing you want to stop?” He might have a response such as:
- “I want to stop reacting in the moment.”
- “I want to stop going with my gut reaction.”
- “I want to stop making assumptions about what the person’s telling me.”
A quick caveat. This last one isn’t really a behavior that can be changed. We all make assumptions all the time. So perhaps with a little more thought, the last one could become:
Ninja Version
You have probably noticed that I didn’t follow the order of stop-start-continue, even though that’s the way the model is usually explained.
I have found that continue is often the best place to start. It means starting with what you’re already doing well. What do you want to continue? What do you not want to lose?
Then, before you start a new behavior, it’s often helpful to let an old behavior go.
I call this my version the ninja version. Here are the questions rephrased in the ninja version:
- What am I already doing well that I want to continue?
- What do I need to let go of or stop doing to make space for change?
- What new behavior do I want to bring into the world?
When I do a 360 interview of somebody’s manager, peer, or direct report, I often ask them what do you want to see more of? What would be valuable for this person to continue, then stop, and then start.
Photo credit: Traffic lights by Comzeal at Dreamstime.com
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Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.